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Other people are out wearing bandage dresses and 3-piece suits. One of you is cutting up peppers while the other one works on the pasta. You look down at one point and notice your fingers entwined. It could have just happened or you could have been holding hands for the last 6 days. Your bodies are so comfortable with each other that touching one another has become a completely natural thing for you at this point. And all the while, your hands are always reaching out, searching for each other.

It usually happens without warning. One glass of wine at dinner turns into three. Or you go out for a night on the town with your mutual friends. The two of you slowly start to feel the effects of the alcohol, and it only intensifies the giddiness you feel for one another. And then it happens: you are stupid-drunk.

Finally, you have a Saturday where neither one of you has any plans or obligations. You sleep in, maybe get some brunch or run some errands. Eventually you return home and somehow you both gravitate towards the bed. You meant to just warm up under the covers for a few minutes since your apartment is currently 50 degrees. But somewhere in between playing footsie and murmuring softly about dinner plans, you both drift off into the most easy, comfortable sleep. Nothing spectacular or over-the-top. Just simple, unexpected surprises that make your significant other smile.

Sometimes you run into the drug store to pick up a prescription while they wait in the car, and you come out with their favorite candy, just because you love watching their face light up over something so small. Or they purposefully leave their favorite sweatshirt at your place because they know how much you love wearing it.

You never have to do anything big. Your secrets. Your goals. Your dreams. Your fears. Your greatest flaws. Your biggest failures. Your weakest moments. Opening yourself up completely to someone else is one of the scariest things you can do. You know each other. And you love each other anyway. So you make it a point to leave notes behind for each other to find. You love getting up before them and making them a cup of coffee before you leave for work. To be close to one another, just for a second. You both just love the feeling of dozing off with your limbs wrapped up together. Your chests rising and falling at the same pace.

Intimate Moments Quotes

Knowing they are next to you because they love you, not what your body can do for them. Being worthless. Eating an inappropriate amount of food. Watching crappy movies and having a blast anyways. Glowing in the high of being warm and cozy and completely in love. Nobody is wearing make-up and no one is trying to impress anyone.

You two basically have your own language. You two trust each other.

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I had the same thoughts about us. The space between us transforms instantly. It feels healing. There is an incredibly strong sense of connection.

There is even more love and less doubt between us. I feel closer to her than ever — even though I did not think that was possible. Whilst I felt there was a lot at stake with my friend, Intimate Moments with random people are just as petrifying. Take this very successful tech entrepreneur I met at a sporting event. He became extremely intellectual, tried to impress me with random facts, a common defence mechanism I see both in clients and myself when conversations become uncomfortable.

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There are plenty of others, including changing the topic, cracking a joke, feeling tired, mentioning sudden physical pain or physically leaving the situation altogether. This person clearly is very intelligent, experienced, educated and successful. How do I initiate an Intimate Moment with HIM, when even the prospect of a little more depth triggers such a strong defence? When the time approaches, again, dread…to the point of actually wanting to cancel the call. How am I going to be able to go deep with a perfect stranger?

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Why make myself vulnerable in this situation? Something that happens often What if we go into awkward silences for really long periods of time? This too, is a regular occurrence. I vow not to bridge silence with superficial chit-chat or any other form of diversion to distract from uncomfortable moments. Why do you want to do this?

Aziz Ansari: Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening

Pause… nothing else… nowhere to go. I come up with a different question. I do not ask questions in every Intimate Moment. Sometimes people already know what they want to talk about. To my surprise, he goes first. I wish I had gone to one of the Ivy League universities. I sense that admitting this does not come easy to him. I feel relief, tremendous relief because I can relate to what he is sharing. I have had moments of insecurity about my background, insecurity of having grown up in an all-white environment as a mixed-race child. I have also carried the insecurity about not having gone to an Ivy League university.

I share all of this with him and…the fact that I have met plenty of Ivy League graduates who, despite having been top of their class, still carry a deep-seated insecurity about their background. I remember the man at the sporting event, wearing his grown-up mask. That person felt intimidating and miles away.

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The person I see now, the person who talked about his insecurity, feels close. The space between us has shifted. It feels warmer, gentler, tender and soft.

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I feel a connection. I am willing to be more of myself with him. He owes me nothing, he agreed to participate on a whim and he showed up more powerfully than I would have ever imagined. Intimate Moments started as a challenge to myself, but very quickly, I experienced that there is much more to the project. It has the power to transform the space between us, to facilitate a deeper sense of connection. It gives us confidence. Core-confidence, not the superficial and conditional kind that is based on achievements.